The Avowal

 

I tend to pay attention to certain words which recur increasingly in a short period of time. I take this as a sign of no coincidences. In the last several days the word which is recurring is “falling”. Perhaps I am paying extraordinary attention because the sensation describes my own. Perhaps I am noticing a very simple word which usually applies to a gravitational phenomenon like leaves and apples, but recently describes a cosmic one. It feels internal and external. It feels personal and communal. It feels frightening and exhilarating. 

Many have described a “falling” as though it were a documented psychological phenomenon, like depression, like grief. Others have noted its theological paradox often called “falling upward” as a counterintuitive formation of the soul falling away from its ego and falseness while tending instead toward holiness.

Whatever it is, today I am reminded of a covenant or vow or promise I made to allow myself to “fall” into the arms of God when discouraged where there is a balm to feed the sin-sick soul. 

Below is a poem by Denise Levertov which speaks to this divine fall and the promise of grace which accompanies without explanation! 

The Avowal

As swimmers dare

to lie face to the sky

and water bears them,

as hawks rest upon air

and air sustains them,

so would I learn to attain

freefall, and float

into Creator Spirit’s deep embrace,

knowing no effort earns

that all-surrounding grace.