Haunted by Waters

“Of course, now I am too old to be much of a fisherman, and now of course I usually fish the big waters alone, although some friends think I shouldn’t. Like many fly fishermen in western Montana where the summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing until the cool of the evening. Then in the Arctic half-light of the canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise.

Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.

I am haunted by waters.” 

― Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through it and Other Stories

I have written perhaps a dozen versions of my “spiritual biography”, for seminary, for ordination, for Education For Ministry, and again and again. In the first three versions I tried different prompts or modes such as using pictures or following a pure chronology but it wasn’t feeling authentic. For the last several I landed on a method which not only felt genuine but also felt somehow alive: Standing Stones. 

Those standing stones ( an important metaphor for grief as well ) always  seemed to be “standing” in a river and those stones seemed to also be stood upon. The flow of the water became as important as the stones. I named them with values which emerged in my life as critical such as loyalty, gentleness, care, integrity, commitment, love and wisdom. I stood on my stones along with my ancestors. There were times of white raging water, calm clear pools and polished rocks in gentle flow. Once a year I revisit my stones. I am never disappointed with the imagery evoked. I find myself there.

The quotation above from A River Runs Through It guides my meditations on such matters spiritual and watery. The notion of all things merge into one feels unitive as my belief in God’s sanctification of all creation does. 

I too am “haunted” by waters. It is a good haunting, one that provokes and evokes.