The Balance Which Passes Understanding

A few weeks ago, closer to the beginning of our imposed isolation and strangeness, I wrote about balance. Balance has been a topic of discussion on zoom and in the news. It is often presented as counterbalancing our new dizziness and uncertainty with measureable quantities like chronological time, an hour of exercise each day, or reading material, mixing fiction or poetry with non fiction, or calories, equal proportions of protein and vegetables and fruits. Balance is often thought of as achieveable and visible. It is often thought of as physical.

But the balance with which I am concerned is not measureable or achieveable or visible. It is internal, mysterious and experiential. It is a cousin of the peace which passes understanding.

As I ponder balance and make lists mental or physical about the opposing factors like sadness and joy, stress and relaxation, I am caught up short by a term which keeps leaping off pages of stories I am reading these days. These are stories about coping. These are stories about holding anxiety and calm at once. These are stories about incorporating and integrating all of life, not just the chosen parts. These are stories about surrender to a higher power. These are stories about letting go of willfulness or control in favor of receiving or recognizing willingness and grace. 

These are stories which circle back on the word equanimity.

Here is one example: A salesperson who had struggled with addiction to alcohol and tried every conceivable approach to recovery, related to a friend that she had finally reached 2 years of sobriety. When asked what happened or what she “did” to “achieve” this milestone, she responded “I discovered equanimity while walking one day”!

Now please don’t think I am criticizing 12 step programs or other recovery support. What I am saying is that no matter in what we are engaged, there is a space within us that is like a core or an essence which I suggest is divine and true. And there are moments when that divinity simply overtakes and overrides our accumulated impulses and constructed working models and merges our truth with God’s truth. Some call this oneness, some call it peace, some call it contemplative consciousness. It is a unitive experience and an intuitive one. It may be equanimity and it may be the holy balance which passes understanding. I hope you are blessed with equanimity this day!